My favorite Granny Barbara quote. 
Anyway, I have decided to move my blog to blogger.com. The new address is http://hebrewzzi.blogspot.com.
I hope you will continue to read even though it is now less convenient - but hey, I provided a link, so you don’t really have much of an excuse. 
I watched half of the excruciatingly bad results show last night. The whole "we’ll find out…after the break" bullshit is really getting old, even thought it’s become Seacrest’s trademark. He did shock everyone when he announced one of the booted male contestants BEFORE the break ("We’ll find out…right now!"). The gasp from the audience was priceless.
So I think I was right on the money with my booting predictions…except, unfortunately, for Becky O’Donohue. I would have thought her looks alone would have carried her until at least the second week of competition. Well, if we’re lucky, she will go back to modeling and have a singing career on the side. The sweet advantage to being a beautiful woman with a voice is that you can star as the "hot girl" in your own videos! Of course Maxim Magazine dredged up pictures she took with her twin sister some two or three years ago, so I don’t know if that hurt or helped her popularity-wise. I really think that drunk-ass cokehead sorostitute, Brenna Gethers, should have gone. I think America let it be known last night that they do not like her.
I was hoping America would keep Bobby Bennett in for one more week. You can’t tell me that kid is not entertaining. If I were Steve Wynn, I would give that kid a 10-year contract at Mandalay Bay. The voting out of Stevie Scott and Patrick Hall was well deserved. They both blew big time and let’s not forget who criticized both of them. Although I was a little off by thinking maybe Patrick Hall would last a little bit longer. But America must have seen what I saw Wednesday night.
I will make my Top 4 prediction right now and we’ll see how close I get: Ace Young, Paris Bennett, Taylor Hicks, and Kellie Pickler (even though she sucked on Tuesday).
Last night the 12 male contestants took the stage. Once again, I must praise my Tivo for allowing me to watch a 2-hour program in less than an hour. Without further adieu, on to the criticism!
So 13 minutes into the show, the first singer took the stage…
Patrick Hall - He chose a Melissa Etheridge song, which is a weird choice for a man to begin with, but he chose "Come to My Window" which is about her having a secret love affair with a woman before coming out. The song didn’t show off his range at all and when he did try to stretch his vocal chords he was sharp. I think he’s also kind of doofy looking, so we’ll see what happens tonight when the votes are revealed.
David Radford - This kid is a one-trick pony. He said in his video montage that he "doesn’t want to be labeled as a crooner" but he sings every song like a very, very drunk Dean Martin. He’s very reminiscent of that red-headed kid from a couple of seasons ago…John…something. Exactly…
Bucky Covington - Great rock voice, good performer - BUT - He looked like he was missing a guitar (he seemed to be strumming a non-existent axe the whole time). He’s got a great classic rock voice, but I can’t imagine him tackling another genre. Hey, Bo Bice did it, so why not Bucky Covington?
Will Makar - "ABC" is a pretty ambitious song I think - especially for a guy to sing. He hit his notes, but without an iota of soul (I’m big into the "singing with soul" thing). But he has a very mature stage presence well past his 16 years and the ladies seem to like him, so I could see him going quite far.
Jose "Sway" Penala - I assume "Sway" is his gang name, but maybe I’m just being racist. I honestly didn’t care for him much until his performance last night. At first I was disappointed that he would do an entire song in falsetto but then I remembered how hard it is to even sing a couple of lines, much less an entire song, in the upper register like that. This kid is going to go very far.
Chris Daughtry - Great performer and great vocal control. He’s got an awesome Scott Wylan quality to his voice and I could definitely seem him fronting a very successful band.
Kevin Covais - Alright, he’s from Levittown, NY so I have to go easy on a homeboy. He has a spectacular tone to his voice and he can really belt it. But, he always looks like a scared puppy in front of the cameras and - not like he can help this, but - the lisp drives me insane. I can’t see him being very marketable in the music industry unless he stays in the studio and never tours. He’s like William Hung but with talent.
Gideon McKinney - He chose a very safe song and didn’t show any vocal range at all. I agree with Simon and I too am bothered by his smile. He’s way too Broadway to be mainstream.
Elliott Yamin - I thought this song was too low for his range and he struggled to hit some of those lower notes. But he definitely picked it up towards the middle and finished strong. My only advice - SHAVE THE DAMN SOUL PATCH! IT’S NOT COOL ANYMORE! (Personally, I never thought it was cool)
Bobby Bennett - This guy is hilarious - like a cross between Rip Taylor and Cab Calloway - but how the hell did he get into this competition? I’m shocked…particularly based on the judges’ superficiality over the last few years.
Ace Young - This can’t be his real name. It’s got to be a stage name. Regardless, he was born to rock. He’s got the likability/heartthrob factor that will make the ladies loose their shit. The fellas will love to hate him.
Taylor Hicks - I love this guy. He is absolute entertainment. But - I think the Ray Charles thing is going to get a little old after a while. Regardless though, this guy is pure soul. Rock on, brutha!
I will give my Competition Week 1 Wrap-Up after tonight’s show. Stay tuned…
Okay, well I decided tonight that I’m going to start giving commentary on American Idol after each episode. It remains to be seen how long I keep up with this, but here it goes.
Firstly, Paula needs to stop using words that are too big for her feeble brain to process. She is such a dumb, dumb woman and it is painful to hear her try to make profound statements. It’s almost as if she has one of those electronic thesauruses underneath the table. It’s almost as painful as watching Bush speak.
Anyway, onto my criticism of the contestants. Tonight the women took the stage in the first real show of the season. Thank G-D I had it on Tivo and was able fast forward through all the bullshit little video montages of each contestant’s "journey to American Idol." Blech. Gag. I also had to blaze through the endless commercial breaks (seemingly after each sentence that Ryan Seacrest managed to barf up).
The first contestant was Mandisa - Just Mandisa - Like Cher or Bono. I thought she kicked off the night on a great note. She has an impressive, very real voice and I could see her being the Aretha Franklin of our generation. I know that’s a weighty statement, but I was quite impressed. Then came Kellie Pickler. I think the only things she has going for her are fiercely adorable good looks and a sad story about her incarcerated dad. However, she really failed to bring it tonight. I honestly don’t think she is cut out to be a professional singer…well, maybe if she had a year or two of intense vocal training. She’s definitely got that "likability" factor that Paula and Simon love to harp on, but she needs to work on the vocals big time. Becky O’Donohue - Hot, hot, hot! I agree with Simon that "visually [she] is a 10." She had a good time with her song. She definitely has that Joan Jett hot rock-chick thing going on, but her vocals were very disappointing. Next was Ayla Brown - Another very cute kid, but unlike the previous two, she can actually sing. She certainly wasn’t the best, but the sista’s got pipes. Next was my personal favorite - Paris Bennett. This girl is so adorable, genuine, and gracious that I would be very saddened if she didn’t make it to at least the Top 4. Granted she has the advantage of being in a musical family (I think an aunt of hers was a famous singer at one time), but she is vocally spectacular. She did "Midnight Train to Georgia" and pulled it off better than any cover I’ve ever seen or heard. She certainly did justice to Ms. Knight and her Pips. I am blown away by the fact that she is only 17 and completely upstaged every other singer tonight both vocally and stylistically. It’s hard not to fall in love with this kid, and I think she’s going to go far. Stevie Scott - Ugh…Why is she in this competition? She said she wants to be the female Josh Groban - She’s more like the female Britney Spears. Terrible. Then Brenna (Didn’t catch her last name) took the stage. From the opening notes I knew it would suck - and it did. It sounded like she had a piece of bread in her mouth the whole time. To steal a play from Simon’s insult book, it was like a bad karaoke. She’s like the drunk sorority girl that even the guy who’s fraternity nickname is "Date Rape" wouldn’t touch her with a 10-foot pole. Then there was Heather Cox. Pick a song in your range, sweetheart. To again steal another coined term from the AI judges, her voice is so ‘affected’ - the fake vocal cracks and raspyness - can it. Ugh. Melissa McGhee - Rough start but picked it up towards the middle - then drove a fucking stake through the heart of the song towards the end. Woof! Next was the lovely Lisa Tucker. She’s got the whole Mya look going on, and she did prove she had some pipes early on but I thought her performance tonight was lackluster. I felt like her onstage Diva attitude was undeserved and her last note was like a car alarm. I think Kinnik Sky was treated very unfairly by the judges. She has the diva-quality voice to match the stage presence. She’s like Mary J. Blige meets Toni Braxton (in her balladeer days). And then the final performance of the night - Katherine McPhee - Zzzzzzzzz. Wake me when it’s over. This girl doesn’t have an ounce of soul or cool. She’s got a nice voice, but I think Simon’s "best performance of the night" crown was completely unwarranted. They should seriously all watch the show on a television. I think we all hear something different at home. So, my Top 4 for the night were as follows: Paris Bennett, Mandisa, Ayla Brown, and Kinnik Sky. I predict that Stevie Scott and Brenna will be the next contestants to go home.
If I can force myself, I’ll have another report tomorrow on the gentlemen.
So it’s been quite a few days since my last posting. It’s about time I get my ass in gear, huh? So Laura and I went to this ACLU National Town Hall meeting today at GW University. The discussion topic was Secret Government Wiretapping and the Abuse of Presidential Power. Pretty much everyone on the panel was in agreement that President Bush overstepped his authority and his administration is an ‘effing’ mess. Although there was this one panelist who was a fellow at some law school and she was trying to (poorly) defend the wiretapping. If she had prepared some thoughts and was able to present her case without tripping over herself she might have been able to make some intelligent points. But alas, the point was proven that you really can’t defend this administration - You can merely sidestep the conversation and change the subject. Larry Tribe, senior law professor and author from Harvard Law, is probably one of the most brilliant minds I have ever witnessed. Everyone, except for Ms. I Don’t Prepare For Arguments, made good points that the warrant-less wiretapping and other methods of secret surveillance are unconstitutional. However, I was rather disappointed that no one brought up one major point - We HAD intelligence about Al Qaeda and a memo was given to President Bush before 9/11 saying that Al Qaeda operatives were poised to hijack airliners and crash them into landmarks. If we didn’t use that information and beef up security at all the airports what the hell is the point of collecting evidence? Larry Tribe had a great line - He said that rather than Bush "connecting the dots," he’s "collecting MORE dots." The FBI has 1200 pages on the ACLU. First of all, what the hell is that information. Secondly, who the hell is ever going to sit down and go through all that shit? Instead of wasting Government resources gathering information on groups that we KNOW are not involved in terrorist activities, maybe they should devote their efforts to capturing Osama Bin Laden?
If the Government overhears an Al Qaeda operative tell someone overseas that they plan to execute a suicide bombing at a shopping mall in the US what good would that do for us? They obviously couldn’t tell everyone because it would create widespread panic and destroy our economy. But just the same, what would they do? Send the national guard to every shopping mall in the country? There are more malls in Paramus, NJ then there are airports in the entire country! Plus, with our military and law enforcement already stretched to the maximum due to the needless war in Iraq we wouldn’t even have the manpower to execute such an operation. So collecting information on everyone is just a waste of taxpayer dollars and just another way to keep all of us in a constant state of fear.
Just some ideas to chew on. Let that marinate a while.
So as I sit here suffering through an episode of "The War at Home," (how the hell is that still on the air anyway?), I have discovered some serious entertainment. Not on TV, not on the radio, but on CNN.com. Vice President DICK Cheney…get this…SHOT a fellow hunter! He was on a quail-hunting trip (should have been a Quayle-hunting trip…hehe) at a ranch in Texas this weekend and "accidentally" shot and wounded 78-year-old Harry Whittington, a lawyer from Austin. The greatest quote from this story was from Katharine Armstrong, the ranch owner - "Fortunately, the vice president has got a lot of medical people around
him and so they were right there and probably more cautious than we
would have been," she said. "The vice president has got an ambulance on
call, so the ambulance came."
Well, I’m pretty much out of anything interesting to say at the moment. I did learn a lesson this weekend though - if you want a good size snow storm to come to your area simply make it a point to say that everything a meteorologist says is complete and utter bullshit. At least it’s not as bad as NY or CT - they got over 2 feet of snow! Okay, I’m gonna go watch the rest of this Family Guy episode. Later, loyal readers!
I just had an epiphany today. Why is it that people have these stickers on their cars such as "Free Tibet" or "Save the Whales" or "Fur is Murder"? Have any of these people ever attempted to free Tibet, save a whale, or opt for cloth seats in their car or canvas shoes for their feet? I had quite a bumper sticker library back when I had my Jeep, but they were all political messages that everyone (well, at least LIberals) could relate to ("Regime Change Starts at Home," "Don’t Pray in My School, and I Won’t Think in Your Church," and a few John Kerry stickers). I don’t understand the concept of telling other people to do things which you are implying that you yourself are involved in when it’s quite obvious you’re not. That would be like me having a bumper sticker that says "Eat healthy" or "Don’t be self-deprecating." I have made the executive decision not to put any bumper stickers on my Honda. However, I willingly accept static clings that I can put on the inside of my rear windshield. Right now I have an "I Love My Honda" cling, which is true (I really do love my car), an NPR decal (I listen every morning and evening going to and from work), and a WETA member cling (I paid my $35 like everyone else!). So you won’t find any bullshit on my car.
Another thing I have recently observed is that people who drive really slow and hold up long lines of cars on our nation’s highways and biways tend to have a lot of rear-end damage on their vehicles.
I’m sure by now most of you have heard about the controversy surrounding some political cartoons that were reprinted in a Danish newspaper depicting the Muslim prophet Mohammed as a terrorist - basically saying that extremist Muslims are partly to blame for the negative world view of Islam. Personally, I think they are mostly to blame, but that’s my opinion.
The thing that really gets me though is the fact that many Muslims took to the streets to protest the cartoons. The protests themselves were not the ironic factor - if someone made a cartoon like this about Judaism I would be out there too. However, they are protesting a cartoon that says all Muslims are terrorists by burning down a Danish Embassy, destroying Danish products, and chanting "death to Denmark!" I never thought I’d ever hear anyone wishing ill on Denmark, but the actions of the protestors seem pretty "terroristy" to me. Don’t you think they could have collectively taken a deep breath, say "man this really pisses me off," and then say "hey, let’s just have a peaceful protest and prove to the world that we are not violent by nature."? I guess not. Maybe the cartoons were onto something? They say there is at least a shred of truth in most stereotypes. I know many Muslisms who are peaceful, nuturing people, but there are bad apples in every group to fuck it up for the rest of us. If there was an El Jewda terrorist organization, I would organize as many peaceful Jews as possible and publically denounce them. If Muslims are so concerned about their image why don’t they rise up against the terrorists that are destroying the meaning of Islam? I wonder what political cartoonist will have the balls to create a new cartoon depicting the violent response to the original cartoon.
Also, if anyone has a link to the cartoon, I would like to see it and make my own decisions about it. I can’t find it anywhere because everyone’s afraid of being a terrorist target. Wussies…all of them.
For those of you who know me, you know that I have been hanging out with this wonderful woman I met on JDate. We have only known each other for a little over a week, but I feel like we’ve known each other for years. Well, anyway, the good times that we have shared combined with my becoming a stronger, more confident individual have inspired me to write a song. It’s not a lovey-dovey song as you might expect from someone in the infantile stages of a possible relationship. It’s more of a "casting off" letter to all the girls I’ve loved before - directed at some more than others. It’s called "You’ve Been Replaced" and I would classify it in the punk genre (although I’m toying with other genres and melodies - possibly ska if I could figure out how to play that damn rhythm on my guitar). I would post the whole song, but due to crazy assholes patrolling the internet these days, I’m afraid that my lyrics might get lifted. I figured there’s only so much they could do with just the chorus, but here goes:
Nowadays I have a smile on my face
I found a woman with style and grace
She can stop time, she can move space
Oh yeah, you’ve been replaced
Certainly not Shakespeare, but if you can imagine it with a fast, distortion-driven guitar riff it could definitely compete with the shit on the radio these days (not like that says much). I already have a storyboard in my head for the video: My walking through this crowd with a pretty lady on my arm, and all of my ex-girlfriends (well, paid hot actresses) come running up to me with tears in their eyes and I just shove my hand in their face and push them to the side. Is it a music video or a fantasy?
Well regardless of whether or not I still harbor any bitterness about my last relationship, at least I am now inspired to write. I haven’t been able to write a decent song since my girlfriend before the last one. If I ever became a famous musician and had adoring fans they wouldn’t know what to do with themselves after they’ve played out my latest album - it would probably take me three years to produce another one. 
Okay, well I have procrastinated enough today. I must go to Sears to buy a new mattres (leave off the last "s" for sleeeeeeeping), get my jiggly ass to the gym, and go to Ikea (in - ugh - Woodbridge, VA) to get a bed frame. Then - tonight - party party! Hellz yizeah, bizzle! Oh my…I need to stop having screwdrivers with breakfast.
…shut the fuck up already! So he lied! Who gives a shit? Who did he hurt
by lying? The only reason why anyone is hurt now is because the lie was
exposed. Why don’t Oprah and The Smoking Gun go after everyone who’s ever lied
to a 5 year old that there is a Santa Claus and Easter Bunny? Why don’t we go
after Disney for having live people inside those Mickey Mouse costumes? It
sounds silly right? Then why does it not seem silly to expose a book - that has
inspired millions of people, and probably convinced many formerly-hopeless
addicts into rehab - as a farce? Moreover, I have now lost all respect for
Oprah. When she called up Larry King and professed her support for James, I was
very proud of her for standing behind him and coming to his defense (since he
obviously doesn’t have the balls to do it himself). However, now that her credibility
is on the line, she has changed course and decided to invite him back on the
show to berate him and his publisher for an hour. Why James agreed to go on is
beyond me. Perhaps he felt guilty that she had come to his defense and
basically made his career? Or maybe his publisher grabbed him by the throat and
said "you’re fuckin’ going on there and you’re going to straighten this
shit out!"? Whatever the reason, Oprah is still a dirty whore for kicking
him while he’s down. Shame on her. And shame on Maureen Dowd for agreeing to be
interviewed for her show and further verbally bitch slapping Mr. Frey. I had
tremendous respect for both of them before the show, now I realize they are
corporate shills just like everyone else.
I read "A Million Little Pieces" and it gave me hope during a very
difficult time in my life. Had it not been for that book, I might have no hope
of making my life better. Don’t confuse this to mean I had (or have) a
drug/alcohol problem. I never have and never will (I’m too cheap, and I’m a
total light-weight). But I had some other serious problems in my life that I
didn’t think I could get through because I felt like the only one in the world
who was suffering through it. He, through his book, virtually put his hand on
my shoulder and said "Hey, this shit happens to everyone. You just need to
make the decision to change yourself and you can do it. Look what I went
through and I made it - so can you."
Now that I know that many of the stories in the book were embellished or
completely fabricated, do I care? No. It still inspired me, and I hope that
everyone else whom this book inspired feels the same way. But shame on the
media for destroying the power of this book and depriving the millions of
others who may have been helped by this book. It’s not like he wrote a book
about World War II and lied about the events that took place leading up to and
during. He embellished elements of his own personal struggle to recover from
alcohol and drug addiction in hopes of inspiring other people. If he merely
wrote about how he was a drug addict and alcoholic and went through rehab no
one would have published it. Sometimes you need to spice up the story to make
it more compelling. How many times do Hollywood directors do that with biopics? I don’t see Oprah dragging Oliver Stone through
the mud!
I am so tired of media whores. I really hope James can finally grow a pair
(or "strap on the balls" as my mom would say) and make a statement
saying "Yeah, I lied about some of the aspects of my story. I wrote this
book in hopes of inspiring people to better themselves. Now, because of some
heartless, disingenuous corporate shills who only have their best interests in
mind, scores more will be robbed of the chance to turn their lives
around." James, if you’re reading, let me return the favor and let ME
inspire YOU. Stand up and be a mensch!
Okay, I’m done for now.
